Sam Clemons said you shouldn’t start a fight

With people buying barrels full of ink.

Well, papers don’t buy ink in barrels now.

Instead they buy it by the tanker car

And print a million copies at a time.

Can you imagine drowning in the stuff?

It is a very nasty way to die.

The ink’s viscosity is such that you

Might think it dense enough to hold you up,

But could you float in mustard, mayonnaise,

or gravy, cooling, partially congealed?

I’ve never heard of someone falling in

A vat of ink, but often people die

From half a thimble spread across a page.

And which is worse, asphyxiation in

A giant vat or being killed by lies

And innuendoes on a printed page?