So, which is worse? A gopher eating all
your favorite flowers’ roots and killing them
or elephants stampeding in your yard?
Of course we’re only talking pachyderms
the size of pigmy goats, but still . . . but still
the damage and destruction they could cause.
So which would you prefer, and would it make
a difference if the gophers were the size
of elephants? I think that I’d prefer
the giant gophers. Just imagine what
it would be like: Instead of being pests
they could be worth a fortune. Can’t you see
them excavating tunnels? Course you’d have
to train ’em so they’d dig the tunnels straight.
Perhaps the PETA people would allow
the fashionistas to be draped in gopher fur.
And just imagine all the gopher steaks!
These giant pests, the gophers in my yard
would make me richer than my wildest dreams!